For me, 2015 began as could be expected: with the declaration that this year will be "THE YEAR OF JENNA!" You know, the year that I do all of the things that make me happy, whether that includes a pint of ice cream for dinner or training for a 5k. Or going to see a spur of the moment show, or staying at home in my onesie all day, or dying my hair an outlandish color, or painting my nails with sparkles. I just set out to be the best, most content version of myself that I could be.
Usually, this version does not include early morning workouts, because mornings make me grumpy. Or lots of salads, because they take too long to make fresh. This version instead, tends to include lots of laughing at myself and being surrounded by friends. Buying tickets to see every concert and show possible. Making spontaneous plans to see friends. You know, the works.
But last week, I got crazy.
"What would it look like if you stopped eating out for as long as possible, Jenna?" I thought to myself. "How long could you make it without Sonic?!"
Let's be real. I lasted less than 24 hours.
I freaking love Sonic.
I worry that many of us, especially women, are programmed to believe that this kind of behavior should cause us shame. We immediately feel guilty about our inability to say "no" or control our impulses. We know that Route 44 Vanilla Coke Zeros aren't the best for our diets, and so when we cave (after less than 24 hours) in order to avoid an emotional meltdown over something we have no control over, we feel terrible about it!
It breaks my heart that somewhere along the way, someone has taught us that we should feel like this--the shame, the guilt, the worry over something so small. It feels like someone takes those pieces and stomps on them repeatedly when I realize that there are people who are made to feel this way by the church on a regular basis. Instead of seeing the successes, some church somewhere has taught a person that she is defined by her weaknesses, her failures, her insecurities.
Well, people, I need to be reminded.
It's 2015! THE YEAR OF JENNA! The year that I will work my hardest to help others see their worth through my eyes, and hopefully the eyes of Christ. Because it's not my weight, willpower, hair color, or the number of friends who define me, or my faith. Not even the broken church can define me and my success, or my worth. The things that define me are my deep-rooted desire to help others see and reach their potential, my willingness to share (even my Sonic grilled cheese with bacon), my valiant attempts to be a good listener, my ability to hold onto the joy when life really seems to blow, my constant hope and prayer that the world might know healing.
It's my choice to live life in yellow: not muted grays and cloudy creams, but in bright, vibrant yellows.
It's my choice to live life in yellow: not muted grays and cloudy creams, but in bright, vibrant yellows.
It's 2015! YOUR YEAR! The things that define you are not your failures or your outward appearance. You are not defined my another's perception of you, or your ability (or inability) to keep up with a resolution. The things that define you are the deep love for you from your God, your love of others, and your constant working out the kinks in your own life. It's your hope, and your joy, and your desire to care for others that defines you, not your fear.
It's your choice to live life in yellow: not muted grays and cloudy creams, but in bright, vibrant yellows.
It's your choice to live life in yellow: not muted grays and cloudy creams, but in bright, vibrant yellows.
I hope you can hold on to that when the emotional meltdowns are heading your way and you're parked in the stall at Sonic. That's what I choose. So drink up, and enjoy!
Welcome to 2015!
